Small numbers, big impact: on feedback, balance, and the question you don’t ask enough.
How many compliments have you given today?
And how many critical remarks?
If there’s one question we ask leaders in our trainings that always sparks discussion, it’s this one:
“How much positive feedback should you give for every critical comment?”
Is it three to one? Five to one? Should you ‘sandwich’ the critique between compliments — or does that just feel like a sugar-coated insult?
And most importantly: does it actually work?
Science has quite a bit to say about this. But… it’s far from a simple story.
For every study that says “five positives for every negative” (think Losada, or Gottman in couples), …you’ll find another that adds nuance: “negative feedback is essential for improvement.”
And then comes that familiar phrase: “more research is needed.”
Yep. Even when it comes to feedback.
The scientific playground
We’ll start with Baumeister, who reviewed dozens of studies and came to a strikingly simple conclusion:
“Bad is stronger than good.”Or in our words: negative experiences, comments, or feedback weigh far heavier than positive ones. On average, even five times heavier.
In practical terms, this means that one sharp comment from you as a leader can lodge deeper into an employee’s brain than five well-meant compliments. And it doesn’t stop there.
Barbara Fredrickson explains why: positive feedback has an expansive effect. It opens the mind, boosts creativity and connection. Negative feedback, on the other hand? It triggers our internal alarm system.
And that puts the classic feedback ratios in a new light.
Let’s lay them out clearly:
- Heaphy & Losada (2004) studied management teams and found that high-performing teams gave an average of 5.6 positive statements for every negative one. Low-performing teams? They mostly gave negative feedback.
- Zenger & Folkman found in thousands of 360° reviews that employees did grow from critical feedback — if they experienced it as relevant and valuable. But… for people without major performance gaps, positive feedback was much more effective. Their recommendation? Aim for a 5:1 ratio.
- Goller & Späth (2023) found that negative feedback had little to no effect on performance, while positive appreciation did make a difference — across cultures, age groups, and job roles.
- Yuan et al. (2022) observed that negative feedback slightly improved task performance, but at the cost of extra-role behavior: less initiative, less collegiality. Positive feedback? It had the opposite effect.
Bottom line?
➡️ Feedback isn’t a numbers game.
➡️ Feedback is a balancing act — one that takes psychology, timing, context, and the receiver into account.
But the real question is this:
“How does the other person experience your feedback?”
You can give five compliments before offering one critical remark.
But if the other person doesn’t truly take in those five,
…and that one comment does stick,
…then your ratio is just a number on paper.
📌 Feedback only has impact if the other person actually experiences it that way.
So, the question isn’t just: “Am I giving enough positive feedback?”
The real question is:
“Does my feedback land the way I intended it to?”
“How does the other person experience the balance between appreciation and redirection?”
Time for the feedback conversation about feedback
Do you really want to grow as a leader?
Then it’s time for that slightly uncomfortable — but oh so valuable — conversation:
- “How do you experience the balance in the feedback I give?”
- “Do you feel I acknowledge what’s going well often enough?”
- “Are there moments when my feedback feels more discouraging than helpful?”
And the reverse, of course:
- “What kind of feedback from me motivates you?”
- “What do you need in order to keep learning without shutting down?”
Not a one-off conversation. But a ritual. A habit.
Because that balance? It shifts. From person to person. From context to context. From phase to phase.
Ultimately, it’s not about how much — it’s about how well it resonates.
So… is it 3 to 1? 5 to 1?
Or should we stop counting — and start asking questions?
Feedback isn’t a checklist. It’s a relationship. And relationships require tuning in, not formulas.
Maybe your next feedback moment should start with this question:
“How do you experience the way I give feedback?”
Have the courage to ask.
Because only then will your feedback truly land.
Want to learn more about how we help integrate feedback into organizations? Discover our feedback culture approach.
Sources and inspiration:
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Baumeister, R. F., et al. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323–370
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Fredrickson, B. L. (2001). The role of positive emotions in positive psychology: The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. American Psychologist, 56(3), 218–226
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Heaphy, E. D., & Losada, M. (2004). The Role of Positivity and Connectivity in the Performance of Business Teams: A Nonlinear Dynamics Model. American Behavioral Scientist, 47(6), 740–765
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Zenger, J., & Folkman, J. (2013). The Ideal Praise-to-Criticism Ratio. Harvard Business Review
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Goller, M., & Späth, J. (2023). The effects of feedback on performance across contexts and demographics: a meta-analysis. [DOI / publicatie nog niet breed toegankelijk online – link volgt zodra beschikbaar]
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Yuan, K. H., et al. (2022). Differential Effects of Positive and Negative Feedback on Task and Contextual Performance. International Journal of Human Resource Studies, 12(1), 45–60
